My sexual over-enthusiasm may actually be a medical condition. I learned this when I casually mentioned to Adriana (pregs Brazilian bestie guru) on the last India turn that I didn't like necklaces—hated how constrictive they were along my shoulders and body and so always opted for bling elsewhere. She (a holistic practitioner and trained kinesiologist) asked a series of other questions and casually diagnosed I may be “lachesis” and suggested homeopathy.
“The Lachesis individual is like a highly strung bow, taut with sexual energy, which must find an outlet if it is not to backfire upon its owner.” says herbs2000.com. According to my research and understanding, it is not so much a condition as it is a designation. Like: Sagittarius, or American.
This designation has thankfully not parlayed itself into an unhealthy nymphomania—sex has never been a dangerous addiction or something casually pursued. My overall snobbery extends to my body; brains turn me on more than brawn, and if emotion isn’t present, neither is anything else. But I bring this up to show you just how important sex is for the mind/body organism known as Mags, because she’s thinking of giving it up.
“It’s not bramacharya if you’re just not getting laid.”
In the yogi community I resided in for a time years ago, this was an oft-spoken phrase. Inevitably a new arrival (myself included,) eyes blurried by an exotic “glamour” that something like living in India to practice yoga can provide for the ego/mind, wanting to stretch his or her vocabularic use of the yamas/niyamas would drop the bramacharya reference, to which would come the response:
“It’s not bramacharya if you’re just not getting laid.”
Bramacharya is celibacy for spiritual purposes. There are people (not only in India) who take on the life of a bramachari or brahmacharini (female) to specifically up their levels of consciousness and strengthen a connection to the divine. Although this can be a life-long devotion, it can also be utilized for shorter periods to gather energy and deepen yogic practices. This is not just a yogi thing-- priests, monks, nuns everywhere subscribe. Ghandi was a celibate. Earlier this year Lady Gaga advertised and advocated her own current celibacy.
Where I lived in India, the ratio of men to women was kinda like theatre camp. If you were a straight male, essentially you were a kid in a candy store. A dozen women for each man, all beautiful and fit, kind, and probably from an urban, more sophisticated area. Of course there were more serious ascetic yogis, who were far above carnal desire, but at the end of the day we were all human and a lotta people went through that town.
There, I was pretty much practicing inadvertent bramacharya, which, really didn’t count.
So in New York City in the fall of what has been a ping-pong match of a year, I want to ground boldly in one direction, maybe save on a couple of months of brazilians, and so am considering bramacharya. Not forever, but maybe until 2011.
Right now I’m in the inadvertent mode, but that stance could so very easily be swayed/broken/altered. Even as I start to ponder it, and I find myself midst cocktail conversation announcing I’m considering it, that inexplicable pull of the universe happens where letting go causes the vacuum of non-neediness to suck that very thing to you. Hotties start showing up outta nowhere. Everywhere I go is spewing smart, attractive, single men and they are glued to me. Did this happen before? Did I just not notice? Am I sending off a “hey pretty much considering being chaste for the rest of 2010 vibe” and they smell it, like a dog in heat that can’t have the one thing they want?
So the reason I’m considering it is because next month I’m taking some time to dig down and focus on my creative output. The 2nd chakra is the seat of all sexuality and creativity; the theory is abstaining from sex helps fuel the other. Kundalini drives energy up through creativity and then to eventual spiritual awakening and realization. Although I’m being glib about it here, Bramacharya is a serious yogic life long practice; it is said that a minimum of 12 years is essential for real spiritual progress…. So this little experiment, should I choose to accept it, is at best, Bramacharaya-lite. If it could even be dubbed that. Diet bramacharaya? Bramacharaya One?
Logistically speaking, once out of the dating game, it’s incredible how much time frees up when not seeing someone (or several someones as many are wont to do in our fine city of fair speci-men and women.) Suddenly stretches of hours, evenings, weekend mornings, are yours, tucked nicely back in your skinny jeans pocket.
I’ve always been incredibly good at entertaining myself because I tend to get bored of people easily. (Not a very generous spiritual perspective, but true nonetheless, although I’d like to think I’ve become more patient.) Many times I prefer to be alone than to be under-whelmed at a dinner, party, etc. I don’t have that FOMO anxiety (fear of missing out) in my blood. I’m fine missing out. You go right ahead; I’m going to go read. So, to have more of that time to myself is a gorgeous gift; I rarely get lonely, and if creative output is happening, well then forget it—that’s when I’m at my best, and who wouldn’t want to be there?
Yet speaking of entertaining myself, ah, how do I put this delicately? Well, it seems that sexy solo time must also be considered when pondering bramacharya. It’s easy enough to not go out with peeps for a few months, but if sexual energy is the culprit to be harnessed here, then it only stands to reason that we’re talking about an across the board hiatus, right? This… this (um, blush) is more of a substantive commitment.
And what’s the line? Is kissing ok? Well that kinda stirs up some energy, so maybe not. So, does that mean, no dating? How about no flirting? Do you just turn off the flirt the way that some people do when they get married? Just not go there?
And what’s the commitment? What if one of the best lovers of your life comes out of the woodwork for a roll in the hay and he’s in town from Nairobi, for one night only? Or a ‘friend with benefits’ has a serious crisis and “needs” you for stress release or comfort? Or a long lost love materializes out of the ether, suddenly and miraculously ready to commit—is a gal really going to prolong that spicy reunion for the sake of a temporary spiritual practice? I’m not fantasizing that these things will happen—but all probabilities need to be considered because this is, in essence, a sacred deal with yourself. And ya don’t wanna let yourself down. Not for Tom or Harry, and certainly not for dick.
So, I suppose bramacharya is on the ballot for December but this gal still hasn’t figured out which amendments need to be included in the proposition. She’d like to believe that the world isn’t so cruel that it needs to test her, but she also inherently knows that there will be some kind of spectacular challenge set forth. Some miraculously confronting Hail Mary testing text: “Mags! I’m at the end of your block with my bf and Bradley Cooper—we need a 4th for dinner… Come!”
The world does not respond to wishy washy. Particularly when it comes down to these sorts of spiritual practices; dedication is key. I’ve given up hot celebrity sex before when in love with someone else… the real question is, do I love myself enough to give myself the same respect? Can I calm my lascivious, lachesis’d self and get through the holiday season with second chakra energies working overtime on writing rather than writhing? Is there really anything to this theory/experiment at all, or am I just missing out on good times for no reason? Maybe this is what is meant by “buckle down”...? Ladies and gentlemen: (well, in my case, really only the gentlemen...) It may be time.
